{"id":31478,"date":"2017-06-27T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-06-27T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2025-08-05T09:05:17","modified_gmt":"2025-08-05T14:05:17","slug":"8-tried-and-true-steps-to-building-trust","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/8-tried-and-true-steps-to-building-trust\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Tried-and-True Steps to Building Trust"},"content":{"rendered":"

Crazy Man trusted nobody, and nobody trusted\u00a0him.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s how Dale Ludwig describes his former boss at a public-speaking training company.<\/p>\n

Crazy Man listened in on employees\u2019 phone calls. He turned against his favorites without warning. He preached company values he didn\u2019t live by\u2014honesty and fun\u2014and tried to control every moment of everyone\u2019s day.<\/p>\n

Related: <\/em> How to Survive a Micromanaging Boss<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI always assumed I was being observed and I had to keep my head down and do the minimum and not call attention to myself,\u201d Ludwig says.<\/p>\n

Twenty-five years later, Ludwig is the founder and president of Turpin Communication<\/a>, a communication skills company in Chicago. \u201cI trust people to do their jobs and I give them the freedom to do them,\u201d he says. The result: a workplace that\u2019s the polar opposite of Crazy Man\u2019s. \u201cIt\u2019s like, Oh boy, here are my friends and we all have interesting work to do and we\u2019re going to do it really well.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

From office to home, from friendship to parenthood to romance, stories like Ludwig\u2019s are legion. Nothing matters more than trust.<\/p>\n

\u201cTrust is the basic foundation upon which relationships are built,\u201d says Katherine Crowley, co-author of Working with You Is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work<\/em><\/a> and co-owner of a workplace relationships consultancy. \u201cIt\u2019s all about reliability,\u00a0consistency.\u201d<\/p>\n

Trust is also confidence that another person has your interests at heart. It\u2019s belief that they will be loyal, honest, capable and kind. When you and those around you trust each other, morale and teamwork soar\u2014along with more tangible rewards. Consider the 2017 \u201c100 Best Companies to Work For<\/a>,\u201d which is a list produced by the Great Place to Work Institute<\/a> and Fortune<\/em>. It\u2019s based on feedback from 232,000 employees around the country, much of which has to do with trustworthiness. Publicly traded companies on the list performed nearly three times better than the stock market overall.<\/p>\n

No wonder those who study trust speak of it as currency.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn business, if there isn\u2019t trust, you\u2019ve got to be very vigilant about whether someone\u2019s taking advantage of you, and that takes a lot of energy,\u201d says John G. Holmes, Ph.D., an emeritus psychology professor at the University of Waterloo and co-author of well-known studies involving trust. Energy spent watching your back is energy not spent on creative solutions. \u201cIt\u2019s very costly to not be trusting,\u201d he says. \u201cIt stops you from taking important risks<\/a> that you should take.\u201d<\/p>\n

In all relationships\u2014personal and professional\u2014a lack of trust naturally stops people from confiding in each other. \u201cIt decreases your chance of being close and being supported,\u201d Holmes says. \u201cIt decreases intimacy and elevates stress.\u201d Studies show that low-trust relationships are often doomed.<\/p>\n

Lately, as anyone with eyes and ears knows, trust hasn\u2019t exactly been robust in our society. Fear of terrorism sparks wariness of immigrants<\/a>; political rifts fuel suspicion among friends, neighbors and relatives. In 21 of 28 countries polled by the public-relations firm Edelman, public trust dropped from 2015 to 2016 in at least one of four major institutions (business, government, media and nongovernmental organizations). Though that poll\u2014taken largely before the November 2016 election\u2014showed steady or increased U.S. trust in those same categories, the numbers still weren\u2019t great. Four out of every 10 Americans lacked faith in business and NGOs, and more than five in 10 distrusted government and media. A poll of U.S. voters a few weeks after the election found even lower levels of trust, Edelman reports.<\/p>\n

Sobering facts, to be sure. Even so, you have more power than you might think to help turn things around.<\/p>\n

\"8<\/p>\n

\u201cIn a low-trust world, more than ever we need leaders and teams and organizations that know how to create trust, to stand for trust,\u201d says Stephen M.R. Covey, author of the best-selling The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything<\/em><\/a>. \u201cWhen you look at the whole society, it is daunting and you think, I can\u2019t counteract all these huge societal trends<\/em>, but you can increase trust in your relationships and in your team. And if you can do it in your relationships and in your team, then your team can begin to build trust with other teams and it can ripple out from there. You really can have a profound effect.\u201d<\/p>\n

Related: <\/em>15 Trust-Building Practices for Leaders<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Among the steps most trusted by trustees of trust-building:<\/p>\n

\"81. Let the sunshine in.<\/h2>\n

Kevin Vogelsang felt super-nervous when he sat down for a job interview last year with Ludwig and vice president Greg Owen-Boger. Within minutes, though, his jitters vanished. \u201cThey were extremely friendly<\/a>, not high-pressure, just very genuine in trying to describe what they needed and were looking for,\u201d he recalls. Sometimes during the interview, Ludwig and Owen-Boger spoke with each other, \u201cnot as if I wasn\u2019t there, but just, they weren\u2019t hiding anything or looking for anything secretively. Everything they wanted to hear from me or say to each other was kind of out in the open.\u201d<\/p>\n

As former Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis put it, \u201cSunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants.\u201d When you give others clear and realistic expectations, their insecurity shrinks and your trustworthiness soars. Ditto when you don\u2019t just tell them what you\u2019re planning, day to day, but explain how it will help your organization or family.<\/p>\n

Such declarations \u201cfoster credibility; by making a statement of intent on the record, you provide stakeholders with words to measure your actions against,\u201d Covey and Douglas R. Conant, former CEO of Campbell Soup Company, wrote in a recent issue of Harvard Business Review<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\"82. Connect the dots.<\/h2>\n

To promote trusting relationships, it helps to think about which values you prize most and whether you\u2019re living by them. Once you identify the principles you aim to follow, don\u2019t just put them in a frame on the wall.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you explain to people what you\u2019re doing, you always want to say, \u2018I\u2019m doing x because I have a value of xyz,\u2019 \u201d says Bob Whipple, author of Leading with Trust Is Like Sailing Downwind<\/em><\/a>. \u201cYou\u2019re always tying actions back to what you believe.\u201d<\/p>\n

This will get you points for living by your principles, he says\u2014even when you have to make unpopular decisions. Say your teenager has violated a family value of honesty; remind her of this as you take away her car keys. She\u2019ll realize your values mean something, Whipple says, and so will any other kid who\u2019s watching.<\/p>\n

\"8<\/p>\n

\"83. Lend an ear.<\/h2>\n

Make a habit of asking open-ended questions<\/a> at home and at work: \u201cHow do you see the situation?\u201d \u201cWhat would make you happy?\u201d Many trust mavens recommend versions of \u201creflective listening,\u201d in which you focus on others\u2019 words without interrupting or planning a response of your own, and repeat their thoughts back to them to show you have understood.<\/p>\n

Share your own thinking only when you\u2019re sure they\u2019ve had their say. This will foster low fear and high trust, Whipple says\u2014as long as you don\u2019t answer defensively or dismissively, or otherwise punish them for being honest. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to acquiesce. What you have to do is treat them like an adult.\u201d<\/p>\n

Trust is also confidence that another person has your interests at heart.<\/h3>\n

The same goes when others open up to you unexpectedly. Crowley, the workplace consultant, remembers how after their third date, a man walked her home. \u201cI felt that pressure of, Am I supposed to invite this guy in?<\/em> Will he be disappointed? But I really didn\u2019t want to, and I told him the truth.\u201d He thanked her for her honesty, she says, and asked her on a fourth date. \u201cHe didn\u2019t punish me for it, which had been my fear. And that said to me that I could trust him with the truth and it would be OK.\u201d<\/p>\n

That man is now her husband.<\/p>\n

\"84. Deliver the goods.<\/h2>\n

Nothing boosts others\u2019 faith in you like doing what you say you\u2019ll do, when you say you\u2019ll do it.<\/p>\n

One way to ensure this happens is to \u201cunder-promise and over-deliver,\u201d Crowley says. When a client asks how fast you can complete a given job, for instance, fight the urge to please her in the short run by naming an early deadline. A later one will leave room for possible obstacles. If they don\u2019t crop up, you can finish ahead of schedule and pleasantly surprise the client. If they do, just meet the deadline. Your client won\u2019t feel let down (as she would if you had blown an earlier deadline), and you\u2019ll keep her confidence in the long run.<\/p>\n

Related:<\/em> Building Trust as a Leader: How to Strengthen Workplace Relationships<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Is following through on commitments a chronic problem for you? Keeping promises to yourself might help, Covey says. When you make good on your vow to exercise three times a week, say, or your plan to learn Italian, it feeds your self-confidence<\/a>. This should translate into confidence that you can honor commitments to others, and then improvement on keeping those commitments.<\/p>\n

\"85. Fess up.<\/h2>\n

Though denying or spinning your mistakes may be tempting, it mostly makes others feel manipulated\u2014and afraid to admit when they screw up. Instead, Crowley urges, show that you value learning from blunders and finding ways not to repeat them.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I make a mistake<\/a>\u2014and I make a lot of mistakes\u2014I tell my business partner and she processes it,\u201d Crowley says. \u201cShe doesn\u2019t say, \u2018That\u2019s the end of the relationship\u2019 or \u2018You\u2019re an idiot\u2019 or whatever. And vice versa. We can only do that because we have trust that if one of us makes a mistake, we will tell the other and then we will address it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"8<\/p>\n

\"86. Don\u2019t be two-faced.<\/h2>\n

Would you trust someone who bad-mouthed you, shared your secrets, or took credit for your work? Of course not, which is why you should do the opposite.<\/p>\n

\u201cSpeak about others as if they were present,\u201d Covey writes in The Speed of Trust<\/em>. The importance of this dawned on him years ago at a company where he and a dozen co-workers ate lunch together most days. \u201cWhen they finished eating, a couple of people in the group would get up and leave, and the others would immediately start talking about them. It got to where I didn\u2019t dare leave the table because I knew the moment I left, they\u2019d start talking about me!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"87. Look beyond labels.<\/h2>\n

Lazy millennials. Selfish Gen-Xers. Clueless boomers.<\/p>\n

Negative stereotypes of different groups abound, leading to disrespect and a decline in trust. Your best policy? Don\u2019t buy into them, says Harry Reis, Ph.D., a social psychologist at the University of Rochester. \u201cThere are some millennial students at this university who are lazy as all get-out,\u201d he says. \u201cOthers work their tails off. I think it\u2019s about individuals.\u201d Listen to others with an open mind<\/a>, regardless of who they are, he says. \u201cInteract with them as if you were talking to a person and not a representative of a category.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s just what Ludwig and Owen-Boger do, says Vogelsang, who now works as their operations manager. \u201cThe way they treat me and speak to me is as a peer,\u201d he says, even though Vogelsang is much younger. \u201cAs I see them interact with clients and other employees their age, there\u2019s no difference in the way they treat me.\u201d And that, he says, leaves him feeling respected.<\/p>\n

\"88. Leap.<\/h2>\n

One of the biggest keys to earning others\u2019 trust\u2014and their loyal efforts\u2014is simply to place more trust in them. \u201cPeople realize when you\u2019re not trusting them, because people are fairly good at picking up on those cues<\/a>,\u201d Reis says. \u201cAnd if people think you don\u2019t trust them, they won\u2019t trust you. They\u2019ll close off.\u201d<\/p>\n

They might even decide to meet your low expectations. That\u2019s what happened with Ludwig and his colleagues under Crazy Man. When their suspicious boss<\/a> wasn\u2019t around, they seized every chance they could to waste his time and money\u2014drawing cartoons of him, say.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s true you might get burned if you start trusting more. But you\u2019ll definitely get burned if you don\u2019t, and not just because you\u2019ll lose the benefits of others\u2019 reciprocal trust. In a 1970s study co-led by Holmes, the emeritus psychology professor, people played economic games with strangers. Players too wary and competitive to cooperate with each other \u201cactually hurt themselves,\u201d Holmes recalls. \u201cPeople who worked cooperatively gained more money. That was the irony of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"8<\/p>\n

Your best bet is to take the proverbial leap of faith<\/a>. Not a blind leap\u2014\u201csmart trust\u201d means weighing your impulse to trust against other people\u2019s credibility and the opportunity and risks at hand, Covey cautions\u2014but not a stingy leap either. \u201cWe shouldn\u2019t allow the 5 percent of people we can\u2019t trust define for us the 95 percent of people we can trust.\u201d<\/p>\n

In other words, chances are good your leap will pay off. And it might pay big.<\/p>\n

Consider William FitzPatrick, a philosophy professor in Rochester, New York (who is, full disclosure, married to the author of this story). One time in middle school, he says, he had trouble finishing an assignment after procrastinating<\/a>. His parents talked with him about the importance of taking homework seriously. \u201cAfter that, they didn\u2019t try to police me or micromanage my study habits. They just trusted that I would do what I had to do to succeed, and I\u00a0think I tried harder because of that.\u201d He wanted to live up to their expectations and trust. \u201cSo in that sense, it did help the internal drive, the quest for excellence in academia, which led me to where I am now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Last but hardly least, consider Vogelsang again. In his first week working for Ludwig and Owen-Boger, he says, \u201cthey immediately gave me all the passwords to access their website and things.\u201d They also gave him credit card info so he could make company purchases and told him he would be in charge of the office whenever they were traveling. \u201cI feel like they\u2019ve put such trust in me, gone out on a limb trusting me,\u201d Vogelsang says. \u201cBecause of that, I have complete trust in them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Related:<\/em> 9 Traits of Trustworthy People<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

This article originally appeared in the July 2017 issue of SUCCESS<\/em> magazine<\/a>.<\/p>\n