{"id":85965,"date":"2025-05-25T07:06:00","date_gmt":"2025-05-25T12:06:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/?p=85965"},"modified":"2025-04-21T14:13:01","modified_gmt":"2025-04-21T19:13:01","slug":"heres-what-teens-say-bothers-them-about-their-families","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/heres-what-teens-say-bothers-them-about-their-families\/","title":{"rendered":"Here\u2019s What Teens Say Bothers Them About Their Families"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cUGH I can\u2019t stand it when she does that.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy doesn\u2019t my dad just get it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI definitely can\u2019t tell them THAT. They\u2019ll freak out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For 10 years, I taught junior high and high school. And for 10 years, I heard these phrases, and others, daily at class change, and overheard stories kids would tell their friends while they worked on assignments. As teachers can attest to, there\u2019s something about venting at school that just seems like a relief to kids. It\u2019s where they share\u2014whether you asked for it or not\u2014what they need from their parents, and what drives them nuts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This all happened as I was having and raising five babies\/toddlers along the way, so I was taking careful notes of what to do and not do as a future parent of teens. While it might seem like a bunch of pubescent kids just spouting off\u2014and sometimes it was\u2014it also pointed to a deeper issue. I realized how essential it was to stay connected with teens during some of their hardest years, especially as mental health concerns for kids and teens spike. Pew Research<\/a> reports that four in 10 U.S. parents are extremely or very worried about their children struggling with anxiety or depression. Yet, I realized as a teacher, some teens aren\u2019t communicating about the barriers keeping them from a close relationship with parents. Others are, but it\u2019s not working.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFor me, it’s really about the relationship that a teen has with their child. We can’t ask our teens to share with us, if we haven’t been fostering a relationship with them in which we show them that we value their thoughts and options throughout their life,\u201d says Dr. Erica Miller, a clinical psychologist at Connected Minds NYC<\/a> in the Manhattan area. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are the most common gripes, both serious and trivial, from teens about their parents\u2014and what teens hope for instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ll never be good enough.\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Teens today have immense stress<\/a>. If they don\u2019t get perfect grades, they think their future is doomed. If they get perfect grades<\/a>, they spend entire evenings shut in their room doing homework\u2014not a great start for work-life balance, including movement, sunlight, friends, family and rest. If they are student athletes, they face pressures to win, get the scholarship, make the team and stay in excellent shape<\/a>, even before their bodies and minds have fully developed. A little under half of teens<\/a> feel pressure to fit in socially.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And finally, teens carry the other expectations their parents share outright, or subtly, be it about body image and looks, how they dress, where they go, who they hang out with and more. Teens in my class complained that parents were always \u201con their ass\u201d or \u201cwouldn\u2019t leave them alone.\u201d I believe what they were saying is they couldn\u2019t get enough space from their parents’ expectations to create and attempt to live up to their own expectations for themselves\u2014even if those were different from their parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try this<\/strong>: Everyday, share some way that your teen is meeting your expectations, or even exceeding them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\"SUCCESS<\/a>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI can\u2019t tell them that.\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I had a student who had been sexually assaulted, but was terrified to tell her mother\u2014after all, she was at a party she wasn\u2019t supposed to be at. I had students who were addicted to vaping and had no idea how to stop. They wanted to ask for help, but couldn’t bring themselves to share that not only had they broken all the rules and standards their parents set, but they were suffering the real-life consequences. These are just a few of the toughest things I\u2019d overhear as a teacher (and of course, sometimes have to act on). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do kids feel they can\u2019t share these things? See point number 1\u2014they love their parents, typically, and are terrified to disappoint them. Lorraine Connell<\/a>, teen leadership and empowerment coach and founder of Peers Not Fears<\/a>, a leadership development program, in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, shares this from her son, Bradyn Connell: \u201cVaping kids don\u2019t know how to quit. I wish vaping wasn\u2019t a thing, and it sucks that it is targeted to kids [and] looks cool, but it\u2019s not and we aren\u2019t taught anything about it,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try this<\/strong>: This is a strategy I used with teens in my classroom that worked frequently. I\u2019d find a letter or note on my desk almost daily. \u201cMrs. Frost, I\u2019m having a hard time,\u201d one might read. With no other details. But it was a window, a glimpse and an invitation. Aurisha Smolarski<\/a>, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, also recommends encouraging teens to write you a letter. Some parents keep a back and forth journal, email chain or text chain going, too, which comes in handy for those conversations that are tough to speak out loud. \u201cFor example, they might write, \u2018Dear Dad, I get that you want to share all the things about your successes as the soccer team goalie, but when you do that, it makes me feel like I have to be like you and that you aren\u2019t happy with what I am doing. Can you just ask about me instead of telling me about you?\u2019\u201d Smolarski suggests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bradyn Connell also suggests, \u201cParents could open up to kids and let them know they will help you. Help them figure out ways to quit. Open up and tell us what you\u2019ve done. Put yourself in their shoes. Getting mad doesn\u2019t help. Usually it\u2019s because it helps you fit in or helps with anxiety<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey just won\u2019t listen.\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Like anyone, teens sometimes don\u2019t want a solution. Instead, they want a great listener. \u201cNothing turns a teen off more than a parent who turns every conversation into a lecture, who talks too much or who over-explains,\u201d says Smolarski<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A 2024 report from the National Center for Health Statistics<\/a> found that only 27.5% of teenagers between the ages of 12 and 17 years of age reported receiving the social and emotional support they need from their parents. So, consider the impacts of listening and validating, versus fixing and suggesting, though it\u2019s hard to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try this<\/strong>: Miller says, \u201cTo empower teens to talk to their parents, we must show them that we care and value their opinions, that we believe them and their experiences and that we are curious\u2014their thoughts matter to us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m just not my sister.\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Teachers who work with multiple kids in one family through the years at the same school come to notice family dynamics. One common thread? Students pointing out they are not like their siblings, for better or worse. Like anyone, kids want to be individuals. \u201cYou may be tempted to compare your teen with other kids as a way to motivate them; however, this will only erode the self-esteem they are trying to build and is likely to backfire,\u201d Smolarski says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try this: <\/strong>Eliminate all language that involves one child and another in the same sentence, such as \u201cWell your brother never\u2026\u201d or \u201cYour sister usually\u2026\u201d. While you\u2019re at it, refrain from talking about your kid to other adults or family members as kids hit their teens, Smolarski says. \u201cThey find that embarrassing. They would prefer to do the talking themselves or have the option not to share.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI have no privacy.\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This one is a toughy, for teens, parents and teachers alike\u2014you want to respect a teen’s personal space, especially digitally, to message friends, write the next bestselling rap song or look up things on the internet. But you also have to be an involved parent, with so many threats to teens online, from scams to strangers to potentially harmful content and behaviors. Along the way, teens can feel like their own privacy hangs in the balance, a vital part of teen development.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lorraine Connell\u2019s 14-year-old son, Elliot Connell, says his top parental complaints are coming into his room without knocking, no privacy on his phone and not letting him get certain apps. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try this<\/strong>: Instead of passing down commands and rules, talk to your teen about dangers online, and work together on a reasonable expectation of privacy versus freedom in real life and on devices, so there are no surprises. \u201cAs parents, we make the final decisions, but giving our teens a voice in the conversation makes all the difference,\u201d Lorraine Connell says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m so done with chores.\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Aren\u2019t we all, my young friends? Zoe Johnson, 15, daughter of Jenn Johnson, certified clinical hypnotherapist at The Salt Water Effect<\/a> in Newburyport, Massachusetts, hates chores. \u201cShe would rather not have to do anything and I support that to a certain extent but believe that kids should have some tasks to support the household,\u201d Jenn Johnson says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Students I worked with griped from the typical standoffs with their parents about cleaning their rooms, to heavier workloads like always being in charge of laundry and dishes. They seemed most distraught when they thought it was an unfair load, compared to parents or siblings, or something that they had no say in. As a parent, it made me wonder\u2014is my room clean? Am I on my phone too much? And other double standards. \u201cIf you reprimand your teen about something, but they then turn around and see you engaging in the same behavior, they will be justifiably annoyed,\u201d Smolarski says. \u201cTeens look to their parents to model behavior. If you don’t set a good example, it will undermine your efforts as a parent, and your teen will likely notice and point it out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try this<\/strong>: \u201cI guess the way to empower her is to have her be part of choosing what she should do for the week. Allow her to choose and help from a list instead of demanding the same task over and over again,\u201d Jenn Johnson says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And one out-of-the-box idea to get on the same page<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Zoe and Jenn have an annual review, \u201clike you do at work,\u201d Jenn Johnson says. \u201cWe check in and discuss our strengths and our weaknesses and we give each other feedback on what we need from each other. I give Zoe the space to speak honestly and freely without worry in a safe environment and she gives me true feedback on how I can help her and support her in the way that she needs it, not just the way I think she needs.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zoe Johnson adds, \u201cWhen I was younger I thought these reviews were unnecessary and they weren\u2019t beneficial to either of us. Now I can realize that my mom is giving me a safe space to share my thoughts and concerns, and these can really help both of us and keeping our relationship healthy and transparent. I also feel empowered to say this is a time to listen and not a time that I need constructive criticism on my actions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reviews could be monthly, quarterly, a few times a year or annually.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Regardless, as Jenn Johnson says, give yourself a break. \u201cI always think like this\u2026this is the first time I have ever been a mom of a 15 year old and it\u2019s the first time she\u2019s been 15.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Photo courtesy of fizkes\/Shutterstock<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cUGH I can\u2019t stand it when she does that.\u201d  \u201cWhy doesn\u2019t my dad just get it?\u201d \u201cI definitely can\u2019t tell them THAT. They\u2019ll freak out.\u201d For 10 years, I taught junior high and high school. And for 10 years, I heard these phrases, and others, daily at class change, and overheard stories kids would tell […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":32434,"featured_media":85967,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"ub_ctt_via":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[14058],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-85965","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/things-teens-say-bother-them-at-home-fizkes-Shutterstock.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"Alex Frost","author_link":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/author\/alex-frost\/"},"yoast_head":"\nThings Teens Say That Bother Them at Home | SUCCESS<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Explore some of the most common things that arise and how parents 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She has been published in the New York Times, Atlantic, Washington Post, Glamour, Today\u2019s Parent, Reader\u2019s Digest, Consumer Reports, Women\u2019s Health, and National Geographic. She spends her \u201cfree\u201d time with her five kids under age 10, and coaching others on the ins and outs of media and content marketing. To connect or read more of her work please visit www.alexandra-frost.com.","url":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/author\/alex-frost\/"}]}},"meta_data":{"_edit_lock":["1753207641:32506"],"_edit_last":["32514"],"_molongui_author":["user-32434"],"_molongui_main_author":["user-32434"],"enable-for-home-page-all-post-section-set-as-first-image":["false"],"enable-for-home-page-all-post-section":["true"],"enable-for-category-section-in-home-page-set-as-first-image":["false"],"enable-for-category-section-in-home-page":["true"],"feature-video":[""],"select-video":[""],"exclude_from_trending":["false"],"type_access":["article_standard"],"disc":["c_compliance"],"resource_library":["article"],"store_type":[""],"custom_listing_image":[""],"sync":["true"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":["14058"],"_yoast_wpseo_content_score":["30"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskeywords":[""],"_yoast_wpseo_keywordsynonyms":[""],"_yoast_wpseo_estimated-reading-time-minutes":["9"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskw":["teens"],"_yoast_wpseo_title":["Things Teens Say That Bother Them at Home | SUCCESS"],"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":["Explore some of the most common things that arise and how parents can navigate these challenges according to former educator Alexandra Frost."],"_yoast_wpseo_linkdex":["73"],"_yoast_wpseo_opengraph-title":["Things Teens Say That Bother Them at Home | SUCCESS"],"_yoast_wpseo_opengraph-description":["Explore how parents can navigate these challenges according to former educator Alexandra Frost."],"_yoast_wpseo_twitter-title":["Things Teens Say That Bother Them at Home | SUCCESS"],"_yoast_wpseo_twitter-description":["Explore some of the most common things that arise and how parents can navigate these challenges."],"_thumbnail_id":["85967"],"_yoast_wpseo_opengraph-image":["https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/things-teens-say-bother-them-at-home-fizkes-Shutterstock-social-1024x683.jpg"],"_yoast_wpseo_opengraph-image-id":["85968"],"_yoast_wpseo_twitter-image":["https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/things-teens-say-bother-them-at-home-fizkes-Shutterstock-social-1024x683.jpg"],"_yoast_wpseo_twitter-image-id":["85968"],"jet_engine_store_count_recently-viewed":["305"],"_advads_ad_settings":["a:2:{s:11:\"disable_ads\";i:0;s:19:\"disable_the_content\";i:0;}"],"_yoast_indexnow_last_ping":["1748174771"],"jet_engine_store_count_bookmark":["1"],"_elementor_page_assets":["a:0:{}"]},"guest_author_field_data":{"main_author_is":"user","guest_authors":[],"user_authors":[{"user_email":"afrost@mailinator.com","user_login":"Alex-Frost","first_name":"Alex","last_name":"Frost","display_name":"Alex Frost","nickname":"Alex-Frost","user_meta":{"nickname":["Alex-Frost"],"first_name":["Alex"],"last_name":["Frost"],"description":["Alexandra Frost is a Cincinnati-based freelance journalist and content strategist, focusing on health and wellness, parenting, education, business, environment, and lifestyle. She has been published in the New York Times, Atlantic, Washington Post, Glamour, Today\u2019s Parent, Reader\u2019s Digest, Consumer Reports, Women\u2019s Health, and National Geographic. She spends her \u201cfree\u201d time with her five kids under age 10, and coaching others on the ins and outs of media and content marketing. 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Her work has appeared in The New York Times, the Atlantic, the Washington Post, and many other publications. She spends her \u201cfree\u201d time with her five kids under age 10, and coaching others on the ins and outs of media and content marketing."],"molongui_author_image_id":[""],"molongui_author_image_url":[""],"molongui_author_image_edit":[""],"advanced-ads-role":[""]}}]},"custom_post_content":"<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cUGH I can\u2019t stand it when she does that.\u201d <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cWhy doesn\u2019t my dad just get it?\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cI definitely can\u2019t tell them THAT. They\u2019ll freak out.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>For 10 years, I taught junior high and high school. And for 10 years, I heard these phrases, and others, daily at class change, and overheard stories kids would tell their friends while they worked on assignments. As teachers can attest to, there\u2019s something about venting at school that just seems like a relief to kids. It\u2019s where they share\u2014whether you asked for it or not\u2014what they need from their parents, and what drives them nuts.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>This all happened as I was having and raising five babies\/toddlers along the way, so I was taking careful notes of what to do and not do as a future parent of teens. While it might seem like a bunch of pubescent kids just spouting off\u2014and sometimes it was\u2014it also pointed to a deeper issue. I realized how essential it was to stay connected with teens during some of their hardest years, especially as mental health concerns for kids and teens spike. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/2023\/01\/24\/parenting-in-america-today\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Pew Research<\/a> reports that four in 10 U.S. parents are extremely or very worried about their children struggling with anxiety or depression. Yet, I realized as a teacher, some teens aren\u2019t communicating about the barriers keeping them from a close relationship with parents. Others are, but it\u2019s not working.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cFor me, it's really about the relationship that a teen has with their child. We can't ask our teens to share with us, if we haven't been fostering a relationship with them in which we show them that we value their thoughts and options throughout their life,\u201d says Dr. Erica Miller, a clinical psychologist at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.connectedmindsnyc.com\/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Connected Minds NYC<\/a> in the Manhattan area. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Here are the most common gripes, both serious and trivial, from teens about their parents\u2014and what teens hope for instead.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-i-ll-never-be-good-enough\">\u201cI\u2019ll never be good enough.\u201d<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Teens today have immense <a href=\"https:\/\/www.success.com\/11-strategies-for-managing-stress\/\">stress<\/a>. If they don\u2019t get perfect grades, they think their future is doomed. If they <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/2025\/03\/13\/pressures-teens-are-facing\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">get perfect grades<\/a>, they spend entire evenings shut in their room doing homework\u2014not a great start for work-life balance, including movement, sunlight, friends, family and rest. If they are student athletes, they face pressures to win, get the scholarship, make the team and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/2025\/03\/13\/pressures-teens-are-facing\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">stay in excellent shape<\/a>, even before their bodies and minds have fully developed. A little under <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/2025\/03\/13\/pressures-teens-are-facing\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">half of teens<\/a> feel pressure to fit in socially.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>And finally, teens carry the other expectations their parents share outright, or subtly, be it about body image and looks, how they dress, where they go, who they hang out with and more. Teens in my class complained that parents were always \u201con their ass\u201d or \u201cwouldn\u2019t leave them alone.\u201d I believe what they were saying is they couldn\u2019t get enough space from their parents' expectations to create and attempt to live up to their own expectations for themselves\u2014even if those were different from their parents.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><strong>Try this<\/strong>: Everyday, share some way that your teen is meeting your expectations, or even exceeding them.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:html -->\n\n<!-- \/wp:html -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-i-can-t-tell-them-that\">\u201cI can\u2019t tell them that.\u201d<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>I had a student who had been sexually assaulted, but was terrified to tell her mother\u2014after all, she was at a party she wasn\u2019t supposed to be at. I had students who were addicted to vaping and had no idea how to stop. They wanted to ask for help, but couldn't bring themselves to share that not only had they broken all the rules and standards their parents set, but they were suffering the real-life consequences. These are just a few of the toughest things I\u2019d overhear as a teacher (and of course, sometimes have to act on). <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Why do kids feel they can\u2019t share these things? See point number 1\u2014they love their parents, typically, and are terrified to disappoint them. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/lorraine-connell-4962ab1b8\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Lorraine Connell<\/a>, teen leadership and empowerment coach and founder of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.peers-not-fears.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Peers Not Fears<\/a>, a leadership development program, in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, shares this from her son, Bradyn Connell: \u201cVaping kids don\u2019t know how to quit. I wish vaping wasn\u2019t a thing, and it sucks that it is targeted to kids [and] looks cool, but it\u2019s not and we aren\u2019t taught anything about it,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><strong>Try this<\/strong>: This is a strategy I used with teens in my classroom that worked frequently. I\u2019d find a letter or note on my desk almost daily. \u201cMrs. Frost, I\u2019m having a hard time,\u201d one might read. With no other details. But it was a window, a glimpse and an invitation. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.aurishasmolarski.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Aurisha Smolarski<\/a>, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, also recommends encouraging teens to write you a letter. Some parents keep a back and forth journal, email chain or text chain going, too, which comes in handy for those conversations that are tough to speak out loud. \u201cFor example, they might write, \u2018Dear Dad, I get that you want to share all the things about your successes as the soccer team goalie, but when you do that, it makes me feel like I have to be like you and that you aren\u2019t happy with what I am doing. Can you just ask about me instead of telling me about you?\u2019\u201d Smolarski suggests.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Bradyn Connell also suggests, \u201cParents could open up to kids and let them know they will help you. Help them figure out ways to quit. Open up and tell us what you\u2019ve done. Put yourself in their shoes. Getting mad doesn\u2019t help. Usually it\u2019s because it helps you fit in or helps with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.success.com\/reduce-work-anxiety-with-the-ohio-principle\/\">anxiety<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-they-just-won-t-listen\">\u201cThey just won\u2019t listen.\u201d<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Like anyone, teens sometimes don\u2019t want a solution. Instead, they want a great listener. \u201cNothing turns a teen off more than a parent who turns every conversation into a lecture, who talks too much or who over-explains,\u201d says Smolarski<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>A <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cdc.gov\/nchs\/data\/nhsr\/nhsr206.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">2024 report from the National Center for Health Statistics<\/a> found that only 27.5% of teenagers between the ages of 12 and 17 years of age reported receiving the social and emotional support they need from their parents. So, consider the impacts of listening and validating, versus fixing and suggesting, though it\u2019s hard to do.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><strong>Try this<\/strong>: Miller says, \u201cTo empower teens to talk to their parents, we must show them that we care and value their opinions, that we believe them and their experiences and that we are curious\u2014their thoughts matter to us.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-i-m-just-not-my-sister\">\u201cI\u2019m just not my sister.\u201d<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Teachers who work with multiple kids in one family through the years at the same school come to notice family dynamics. One common thread? Students pointing out they are not like their siblings, for better or worse. Like anyone, kids want to be individuals. \u201cYou may be tempted to compare your teen with other kids as a way to motivate them; however, this will only erode the self-esteem they are trying to build and is likely to backfire,\u201d Smolarski says.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><strong>Try this: <\/strong>Eliminate all language that involves one child and another in the same sentence, such as \u201cWell your brother never\u2026\u201d or \u201cYour sister usually\u2026\u201d. While you\u2019re at it, refrain from talking about your kid to other adults or family members as kids hit their teens, Smolarski says. \u201cThey find that embarrassing. They would prefer to do the talking themselves or have the option not to share.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-i-have-no-privacy\">\u201cI have no privacy.\u201d<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>This one is a toughy, for teens, parents and teachers alike\u2014you want to respect a teen's personal space, especially digitally, to message friends, write the next bestselling rap song or look up things on the internet. But you also have to be an involved parent, with so many threats to teens online, from scams to strangers to potentially harmful content and behaviors. Along the way, teens can feel like their own privacy hangs in the balance, a vital part of teen development.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Lorraine Connell\u2019s 14-year-old son, Elliot Connell, says his top parental complaints are coming into his room without knocking, no privacy on his phone and not letting him get certain apps. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><strong>Try this<\/strong>: Instead of passing down commands and rules, talk to your teen about dangers online, and work together on a reasonable expectation of privacy versus freedom in real life and on devices, so there are no surprises. \u201cAs parents, we make the final decisions, but giving our teens a voice in the conversation makes all the difference,\u201d Lorraine Connell says.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-i-m-so-done-with-chores\">\u201cI\u2019m so done with chores.\u201d<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Aren\u2019t we all, my young friends? Zoe Johnson, 15, daughter of Jenn Johnson, certified clinical hypnotherapist at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thesaltwatereffect.com\/about-us\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Salt Water Effect<\/a> in Newburyport, Massachusetts, hates chores. \u201cShe would rather not have to do anything and I support that to a certain extent but believe that kids should have some tasks to support the household,\u201d Jenn Johnson says.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Students I worked with griped from the typical standoffs with their parents about cleaning their rooms, to heavier workloads like always being in charge of laundry and dishes. They seemed most distraught when they thought it was an unfair load, compared to parents or siblings, or something that they had no say in. As a parent, it made me wonder\u2014is my room clean? Am I on my phone too much? And other double standards. \u201cIf you reprimand your teen about something, but they then turn around and see you engaging in the same behavior, they will be justifiably annoyed,\u201d Smolarski says. \u201cTeens look to their parents to model behavior. If you don't set a good example, it will undermine your efforts as a parent, and your teen will likely notice and point it out.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><strong>Try this<\/strong>: \u201cI guess the way to empower her is to have her be part of choosing what she should do for the week. Allow her to choose and help from a list instead of demanding the same task over and over again,\u201d Jenn Johnson says.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-and-one-out-of-the-box-idea-to-get-on-the-same-page\">And one out-of-the-box idea to get on the same page<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Zoe and Jenn have an annual review, \u201clike you do at work,\u201d Jenn Johnson says. \u201cWe check in and discuss our strengths and our weaknesses and we give each other feedback on what we need from each other. I give Zoe the space to speak honestly and freely without worry in a safe environment and she gives me true feedback on how I can help her and support her in the way that she needs it, not just the way I think she needs.\u201d <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Zoe Johnson adds, \u201cWhen I was younger I thought these reviews were unnecessary and they weren\u2019t beneficial to either of us. Now I can realize that my mom is giving me a safe space to share my thoughts and concerns, and these can really help both of us and keeping our relationship healthy and transparent. I also feel empowered to say this is a time to listen and not a time that I need constructive criticism on my actions.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Reviews could be monthly, quarterly, a few times a year or annually.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Regardless, as Jenn Johnson says, give yourself a break. \u201cI always think like this\u2026this is the first time I have ever been a mom of a 15 year old and it\u2019s the first time she\u2019s been 15.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph {\"fontSize\":\"small\"} -->\n<p class=\"has-small-font-size\"><strong><em>Photo courtesy of fizkes\/Shutterstock<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->","tag_names":[],"post_attachment_urls":[],"author_email":"afrost@mailinator.com","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85965","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/32434"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=85965"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85965\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/85967"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=85965"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=85965"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=85965"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}