{"id":86542,"date":"2025-07-11T10:34:55","date_gmt":"2025-07-11T15:34:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/?p=86542"},"modified":"2025-05-09T13:54:55","modified_gmt":"2025-05-09T18:54:55","slug":"what-peonies-can-teach-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/what-peonies-can-teach-us\/","title":{"rendered":"What Peonies Can Teach Us About Learning From Those Before You"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

For as long as I can remember, there have been peonies in my life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not just the type of flower, mind you, but the exact same flowers. They traveled hundreds of miles and survived multiple moves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Until writing this article, I didn\u2019t even know why. I just knew that thanks to my family, the peonies had followed me in every place that I\u2019d lived, like a shadow that I couldn\u2019t quite shake.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n\"SUCCESS<\/a>\n\n\n\n

My love\/hate relationship with peonies<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The first place I remember the peonies was at my mom\u2019s childhood home (the home of my grandmother, aunt and cousin). I helped my mother dig some of them up and plant them at our house. When we later moved to a new home with the rest of my family, the peonies went right along with us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every Memorial Day, we\u2019d visit my grandmother\u2019s parents\u2019 graves\u2014which have peonies planted upon them. While we were there, we dropped off flowers of our own (also peonies).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not that I ever hated the peonies\u2026 they just weren\u2019t my favorite. See, peonies tend to be covered with a whole lot of ants<\/a>, and as someone who\u2019s always preferred the \u201cGreat Indoors,\u201d that was pretty unappealing.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

More than that, though, I took them for granted. Just like my mother and grandmother, the peonies had always been there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A mother\u2019s dying wish<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In 2018, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. Within a month, my mom had gone through surgery and started chemo. After two months, we\u2019d moved her, my grandmother and my aunt into new homes and sold the house where I\u2019d grown up. Frankly, the last thing on my mind at that point was flowers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet, my mother insisted we bring the peonies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

They weren\u2019t the only flowers we saved from the old house, but they were certainly the ones I was most exasperated by. Gardening wasn\u2019t my favorite task anyway, and between the stress and the fact it was February at the time, getting the peonies hadn\u2019t exactly been a priority for me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, when your terminally ill mother<\/a> asks you to help her dig up flowers, you dig up flowers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though we did transport the peonies to the new house, they never made it into the ground. In the chaos of everything, we left them in a bucket with no water or dirt for months. We kept meaning to plant them, but never had the time or energy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not too surprisingly, the peonies died. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though my mom never said so, I always suspected that she was a little sad that the peonies hadn\u2019t made it. I tried to be understanding, but honestly, I was just relieved to have one less thing on the to-do list. I figured we could always get new peonies eventually. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, my mom died, too, and it didn\u2019t really matter anymore. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The peonies\u2019 return<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When I moved to a new home, I brought as many flowers with me as I could because they reminded me of her. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This time, it was my roommate who was patiently resisting the urge to roll her eyes as I insisted I needed to dig up \u201cjust one more\u201d before we left. (The \u201cdead mom\u201d card is nearly as good as the \u201cI\u2019m dying\u201d card when it comes to getting help moving flowers.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What we couldn\u2019t move, of course, were the peonies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hadn\u2019t realized how much this was bothering me until my mom\u2019s friends reached out to ask if I wanted any flowers. Peonies tend to multiply easily, and my mom had spent years sharing extra with our friends, family and community. Suddenly, I found that generosity circling back around.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That fall, my mom\u2019s friend brought several peonies\u2014the same peonies I remembered\u2014and we planted them at once. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Green thumbs aren\u2019t genetic<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Though I\u2019d spent my life helping my grandmothers and my mom garden, I\u2019d never planned a garden or tried to single-handedly keep one alive. Let me tell you\u2014it\u2019s not nearly as easy as they made it look. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

See, Kansas has an abundance of clay soil, which isn\u2019t ideal for most flowers. Suddenly, I was learning about \u201camending the soil,\u201d testing for acidity and a whole lot of other things I\u2019d never really paid any attention to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, even as half my plants withered and died, and I repeatedly forgot to water them, the peonies persisted. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

They didn\u2019t just survive\u2014they thrived<\/em>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why the peonies thrived <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I started looking into why the peonies were doing so well when everything else was such a struggle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I learned that peonies can live more than 100 years\u2014which made sense, considering the peonies in my own yard were older than I was. I learned, too, that peonies \u201cthrive on neglect\u201d<\/a> and tolerate a huge range<\/a> of soil types and pH levels, which was why they were so forgiving of (almost) every way they were mistreated. Though all peonies are considered pretty hardy, the ones in my garden have survived six different moves that I know of (which was a stark contrast to the hibiscus flower that I planted the same year, which managed to wilt and die in the time it took me to carry it across the yard).\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I learned why we had so many peonies. Apparently, my aunt had rescued them from a neighbor\u2019s yard when it was taken over by new owners. The previous neighbor had been known for breeding award-winning peonies, and my aunt asked if she could dig them up and keep them rather than letting them get thrown away.  My family didn\u2019t have much money back then, and flowers were sort of at the bottom of the list of things we could afford. But free? Well, that was a price that even we could swing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As my gardening improved, I also learned why my family always took peonies to the graves on Memorial Day. It turned out, most of the other perennials in my mom\u2019s garden bloomed too early or too late. But the peonies? Always right on time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning from those who came before us<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Four years after my mother died, my grandmother died. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every day since, I\u2019ve fumbled my way through life, wishing I could ask them why they did things the way they did. More often than not, I eventually figure out the answer through my own trial and error<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often, when I\u2019m watching the peonies bloom, I think back on how far they\u2019ve come. I consider the generations they\u2019ve seen through, the hardships they\u2019ve endured and the way they keep blooming anyway. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think of my family. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t understand back then why we needed to keep the ant-infested flowers close. Now, I do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, I know that they\u2019re easy to care for and free to share. I know that they live for ages and bloom at just the right time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I know that, as usual, my mom knew best all along<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Photo by<\/em> Tom Merton\/iStock.com<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Her work has appeared in The New York Times\u2019 Wirecutter, USA Today, Lovepop, AARP, and more. <\/span>"],"rich_editing":["true"],"syntax_highlighting":["true"],"comment_shortcuts":["false"],"admin_color":["fresh"],"use_ssl":["0"],"show_admin_bar_front":["true"],"locale":[""],"wp_capabilities":["a:1:{s:6:\"author\";b:1;}"],"wp_user_level":["0"],"_yoast_wpseo_profile_updated":["1732652392"],"pys_complete_registration":["1"],"_wcs_subscription_ids_cache":[""],"dismissed_wp_pointers":[""],"hubspot_contact_id":["66572545922"],"wp_elementor_enable_ai":["1"],"wpseo_metadesc":[""],"wpseo_title":[""],"wpseo_content_analysis_disable":[""],"wpseo_keyword_analysis_disable":[""],"wpseo_user_schema":["a:0:{}"],"molongui_author_phone":[""],"molongui_author_job":[""],"molongui_author_company":[""],"molongui_author_company_link":[""],"molongui_author_custom_link":[""],"molongui_author_box_display":["default"],"molongui_author_short_bio":["<span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Anna Wenner is a writer who is just trying to live a life that will make her dog proud.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n "],"molongui_author_image_id":[""],"molongui_author_image_url":[""],"molongui_author_image_edit":[""],"advanced-ads-role":[""]}}]},"custom_post_content":"<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>For as long as I can remember, there have been peonies in my life. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Not just the type of flower, mind you, but the exact same flowers. They traveled hundreds of miles and survived multiple moves. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Until writing this article, I didn\u2019t even know why. I just knew that thanks to my family, the peonies had followed me in every place that I\u2019d lived, like a shadow that I couldn\u2019t quite shake.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:html -->\n\n<!-- \/wp:html -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-my-love-hate-relationship-with-peonies\">My love\/hate relationship with peonies<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>The first place I remember the peonies was at my mom\u2019s childhood home (the home of my grandmother, aunt and cousin). I helped my mother dig some of them up and plant them at our house. When we later moved to a new home with the rest of my family, the peonies went right along with us. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Every Memorial Day, we\u2019d visit my grandmother\u2019s parents\u2019 graves\u2014which have peonies planted upon them. While we were there, we dropped off flowers of our own (also peonies).<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>It\u2019s not that I ever hated the peonies\u2026 they just weren\u2019t my favorite. See, peonies tend to be covered with a whole lot of <a href=\"https:\/\/ipm.missouri.edu\/MEG\/2018\/5\/antsOnPeonies\/#:~:text=It%20is%20a%20myth%20that,from%20other%20floral%2Dfeeding%20insects.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">ants<\/a>, and as someone who\u2019s always preferred the \u201cGreat Indoors,\u201d that was pretty unappealing.\u00a0<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>More than that, though, I took them for granted. Just like my mother and grandmother, the peonies had always been there. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-a-mother-s-dying-wish\">A mother\u2019s dying wish<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>In 2018, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. Within a month, my mom had gone through surgery and started chemo. After two months, we\u2019d moved her, my grandmother and my aunt into new homes and sold the house where I\u2019d grown up. Frankly, the last thing on my mind at that point was flowers. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Yet, my mother insisted we bring the peonies. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>They weren\u2019t the only flowers we saved from the old house, but they were certainly the ones I was most exasperated by. Gardening wasn\u2019t my favorite task anyway, and between the stress and the fact it was February at the time, getting the peonies hadn\u2019t exactly been a priority for me. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>However, when your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.success.com\/how-i-turned-weeping-into-purpose-in-moms-last-days\/\">terminally ill mother<\/a> asks you to help her dig up flowers, you dig up flowers. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Though we did transport the peonies to the new house, they never made it into the ground. In the chaos of everything, we left them in a bucket with no water or dirt for months. We kept meaning to plant them, but never had the time or energy. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Not too surprisingly, the peonies died. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Though my mom never said so, I always suspected that she was a little sad that the peonies hadn\u2019t made it. I tried to be understanding, but honestly, I was just relieved to have one less thing on the to-do list. I figured we could always get new peonies eventually. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Then, my mom died, too, and it didn\u2019t really matter anymore. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-peonies-return\">The peonies\u2019 return<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>When I moved to a new home, I brought as many flowers with me as I could because they reminded me of her. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>This time, it was my roommate who was patiently resisting the urge to roll her eyes as I insisted I needed to dig up \u201cjust one more\u201d before we left. (The \u201cdead mom\u201d card is nearly as good as the \u201cI\u2019m dying\u201d card when it comes to getting help moving flowers.) <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>What we couldn\u2019t move, of course, were the peonies. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>I hadn\u2019t realized how much this was bothering me until my mom\u2019s friends reached out to ask if I wanted any flowers. Peonies tend to multiply easily, and my mom had spent years sharing extra with our friends, family and community. Suddenly, I found that generosity circling back around.\u00a0<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>That fall, my mom\u2019s friend brought several peonies\u2014the same peonies I remembered\u2014and we planted them at once. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-green-thumbs-aren-t-genetic\">Green thumbs aren\u2019t genetic<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Though I\u2019d spent my life helping my grandmothers and my mom garden, I\u2019d never planned a garden or tried to single-handedly keep one alive. Let me tell you\u2014it\u2019s not nearly as easy as they made it look. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>See, Kansas has an abundance of clay soil, which isn\u2019t ideal for most flowers. Suddenly, I was learning about \u201camending the soil,\u201d testing for acidity and a whole lot of other things I\u2019d never really paid any attention to. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>However, even as half my plants withered and died, and I repeatedly forgot to water them, the peonies persisted. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>They didn\u2019t just survive\u2014they <em>thrived<\/em>.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-why-the-peonies-thrived-nbsp\">Why the peonies thrived <\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>I started looking into why the peonies were doing so well when everything else was such a struggle. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>I learned that peonies can live more than 100 years\u2014which made sense, considering the peonies in my own yard were older than I was. I learned, too, that peonies <a href=\"https:\/\/extension.missouri.edu\/news\/peonies-thrive-on-neglect-can-live-more-than-100-years\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">\u201cthrive on neglect\u201d<\/a> and tolerate a <a href=\"https:\/\/americanpeonysociety.org\/learn\/about-the-peonies\/soil\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">huge range<\/a> of soil types and pH levels, which was why they were so forgiving of (almost) every way they were mistreated. Though all peonies are considered pretty hardy, the ones in my garden have survived six different moves that I know of (which was a stark contrast to the hibiscus flower that I planted the same year, which managed to wilt and die in the time it took me to carry it across the yard).\u00a0<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>I learned why we had so many peonies. Apparently, my aunt had rescued them from a neighbor\u2019s yard when it was taken over by new owners. The previous neighbor had been known for breeding award-winning peonies, and my aunt asked if she could dig them up and keep them rather than letting them get thrown away.  My family didn\u2019t have much money back then, and flowers were sort of at the bottom of the list of things we could afford. But free? Well, that was a price that even we could swing. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>As my gardening improved, I also learned why my family always took peonies to the graves on Memorial Day. It turned out, most of the other perennials in my mom\u2019s garden bloomed too early or too late. But the peonies? Always right on time. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-learning-from-those-who-came-before-us\">Learning from those who came before us<\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Four years after my mother died, my grandmother died. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Every day since, I\u2019ve fumbled my way through life, wishing I could ask them why they did things the way they did. More often than not, I eventually figure out the answer through my own <a href=\"https:\/\/www.success.com\/what-ive-learned-about-success-you-have-to-keep-starting-over\/\">trial and error<\/a>. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Often, when I\u2019m watching the peonies bloom, I think back on how far they\u2019ve come. I consider the generations they\u2019ve seen through, the hardships they\u2019ve endured and the way they keep blooming anyway. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>I think of my family. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>I didn\u2019t understand back then why we needed to keep the ant-infested flowers close. Now, I do. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Now, I know that they\u2019re easy to care for and free to share. I know that they live for ages and bloom at just the right time.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>And I know that, as usual, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.success.com\/the-best-advice-my-mom-ever-gave-me\/\">my mom knew best all along<\/a>.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph {\"fontSize\":\"small\"} -->\n<p class=\"has-small-font-size\"><em>Photo by<\/em> <em>Tom Merton\/iStock.com<\/em><\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->","tag_names":[],"post_attachment_urls":[],"author_email":"anna+wenner-author@success.com","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86542","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/44301"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=86542"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86542\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/86543"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=86542"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=86542"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=86542"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}